


Breathe

by julia_wicker_the_goddess



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Julia has been Reynard's captive for years, but also for unresolved guilt and romantic feeling reasons?, for hospital policy reasons?, kady and julia are fake girlfriends?, shit's pretty dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-10-15 09:15:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17525957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julia_wicker_the_goddess/pseuds/julia_wicker_the_goddess
Summary: Julia has been missing for god knows how long. When she's found in Reynard's basement, no one is sure what it will take to help her heal. Or even if she can.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that this story has mentions of rape, physical and emotional abuse, and trauma. Stay safe, kiddos.

She wakes up the same as every day, jolting awake with the sound of keys jangling in the lock of the door. Reynard comes in and doesn’t say a word as he roughly removes the shackle on her ankle. 

 

She cries out when he picks her up, hand on her bad leg. The one that he had hurt because she was bad. She had done a bad thing trying to escape. He was trying to protect her. Keep her there. Keep her safe. She was ungrateful. That’s why he did it. 

 

Her doubt in his words becomes less and less every day. He brings her to the toilet and watches impatiently while she goes. He never leaves her alone when she’s unshackled. Not since she did the bad thing.

“I don’t have all day. Are you done?”

She wipes quickly and then nods. He squirts hand sanitizer into her hand. Water and soap are for Bath Day. He picks her back up and she suppresses the groan of pain. He likes her pain. Feeds on it. Hungers for it like she does the measly scraps of food he gives her. 

 

She should be grateful he feeds her every day, he tells her. She should remember the time she was ungrateful and asked for more food and went without food for what felt like years. He says he likes to see her bones. Says it leaves her more exposed to him. 

 

All she knows is she’s tired of her bones pushing at her skin and hurting as they dig into the old mattress. She should be grateful she has a mattress. It was the floor for 2 months, he tells her. 

 

It must have been years since she was taken by now. She wonders if anyone remembers her. That thought is quickly pushed aside. She can’t think of them. Not now, or she’ll fall apart. She knows what’s coming. 

 

After the bathroom, more days than not, he uses her. That’s what he calls it. Like she’s a tool or a kleenex, not a human being. She lays passively. He doesn’t want her to engage, except maybe for the occasional cry. He doesn’t labor under the illusion that this is pleasant for her. It’s not for her. It’s for him. Everything is for him. 

 

She stopped using words with him. She’s not sure how long it’s been now. She had made the decision after he brutally tortured her for speaking out of turn. Now he wants her to speak, but she won’t give him that. She’ll scream or cry if she has to. But her words are something she has left. He can’t take them. They’re hers.

 

He finishes with her and shackles her ankle again. It’s been too long since he switched to the other ankle. He keeps putting it on the bad one, the one that has wounds that don’t heal anymore. It’s been on this ankle since she stopped talking. A punishment for keeping her words. 

  
  
  


She jumps when the flashbang goes off; figures Reynard must have misfired a gun. But then they kick through the door. She doesn’t even think to be embarrassed by all the officers staring at her body, exposed. She’s terrified.

“Put your hands up.” One of the officers yells.

She does, skinny arms shaking, baring the cigarette burns and bruises of too many rages to count. A sob catches in her throat. Could she have survived all this time just to be shot?

“Jesus.” another says. “Jim, she’s a victim.” He’s staring at her ankle, shackled to the bed frame. 

“Miss, what’s your name?”

She can’t keep her tired arms up any longer, and lowers them, keeping an eye on the gun the other officer had been pointing. She hiccups in another sob.

“Do you need medical attention?”

She doesn’t answer.

“Are you here of your own free will?”

She forces her head to shake back and forth while she sobs.

“Jesus,” The man says again. “Let’s get her something to cover up with.”

One of the officers shells off his jacket and hands it to the man, who lays it over her.

“Do you know where the keys are for these?” The officer says, pointing at the chains.

She shakes her head. What if they can’t help her?

“Okay. We’ll get the fire team on it.”

She wants to get out.  _ Now. _ She’s been waiting for so long. Her breath gets faster and she feels lightheaded. She puts a hand to her head as she starts hyperventilating.

“Hey, it’s okay. Just breathe.” The officer says, crouching down to be at her level.

She curls into herself and tunes things out. Like she has with Reynard for a long time. People move around her, talk to her, but she ignores it all. She trembles when they steady her leg to cut off the shackle. The abrasion below is evident. 

“We’re going to put you on this stretcher to bring you to the ambulance.” Someone says. She’s wearing a different uniform than the police officers. Julia winces when they mover her. Her bad leg will finally get looked at when she gets out of here. 

 

They cover her with a blanket and then she’s got straps around her. They’re like the shackle; they restrain her. She’s brought outside. She had hoped it would be daytime. The sun’s below the horizon and the color has faded from the sky except for a deep blue at the edges. 

 

They load her into the ambulance before she’s ready to be done being outside. She tries to sit up, and someone pushes her back down. She has to get out. She has to be free. She struggles more. Pulls the straps off, claws at someone’s face. Her hip hurts like hell when she tries to lunge from the bed out the door. They catch her; hold her thrashing legs and arms, hold her fingers in balled fists so she can’t scratch. She screams and screams and there’s a pain in her arm and things get hazy. A man keeps saying “it’s okay” and she can’t believe him. How can anything be okay?

  
  
  
  


She wakes up somewhere else for the first time in  _ such _ a long time. She feels fuzzy and disoriented.

“Hi Julia, I’m Cindy, your nurse. You’re in the hospital.”

All her muscles hurt. 

“Your relatives have been called.”

Right. Not her parents. Because her parents are--

“Do you need anything?”

She doesn’t reply.

“I need to check your blood pressure. Can I borrow your arm?” She asks gently, pulling her arm out from the thin blankets. The cuff tightens and it feels like HIS hand, too tight around her skinny arm, squeezing till she’s sure he’s breaking her. It’s over then.

“Pretty low. We’ll work on getting that up.”

The nurse checks a monitor, then another. She types some things into the computer on a cart.

“Really, Julia. Do you need anything? Anything at all?”

She can’t look her in the eyes.  _ Avert your gaze. _ She shuts hers tightly and waits until she hears the nurse leave.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized the format I originally posted in was a little difficult to read, so I tried to break it up into shorter paragraphs. Hope that helps. Let me know what you think of this.

Kady gets the call on a late Saturday afternoon. She’s been sleeping after working her night job as a bartender. She has the late shift. Quentin is the one who found her, searching for Julia. He had been trying to find her for weeks before he finally traced things to Kady. He’d had to sit there and sober her up for days before she was well enough to answer anything about Julia.

 

She had assumed Julia was dead. Told Quentin so. But Quentin said her body wasn’t at the apartment. They searched for a year and a half. Alice had defeated the Beast in Fillory and Quentin was traveling back and forth between the two worlds trying to help Elliot and Margo when he could between searching for Julia. They made little progress, occasionally hearing of suspicious-sounding rapes and murders and hunting after Reynard, only to lose his trail again. Their trail pretty much comes to a dead end when magic gets turned off. Then it’s a mad dash to turn it back on so they can find Julia. It’s after another 10 months that she gets the call from Quentin.

 

“Kady, it’s Q.”

“Yeah, I have your number plugged into my phone, idiot. I know who it is.”

“It’s Julia. They found her.”

“W-what?” She had given up hope. The only thing keeping her searching was her guilt. “Is she alive?”

“Yeah. She’s at St. Mary’s hospital. They just called me. I’m going there now.”

“I’ll meet you there. Did they say how she is?”

“No, just that they needed someone to help make medical decisions.”

“Oh yeah, because her family’s…”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll see you there.”

“Yup.”

  
  


Kady’s heart beats in her throat as she gathers her wallet and keys, then storms out to catch the bus. She’s got to go see Julia. But Julia’s going to hate her. How can she not? 

 

As she sits on the bus waiting for the hospital exit, Kady wonders if Reynard brainwashed Julia. What if he made her do the things he did? What if that’s who she is now?

 

She gets to the hospital and texts Quentin, who says he’s in a “family” room on the third floor. She finds him pacing back and forth.

“What’d they say? Have you seen her yet?”

“No, I only got here like 15 minutes ago. They said I needed to talk with her doctor, but I’d have to wait while she finishes rounds. She’ll meet us in here.”

Kady nods.

 

They wait for a while longer, thoughts whirling almost tangibly. Then there’s a knock.

“Quentin and Kady?”

They nod.

“I’m Kristina Turner, one of Julia’s doctors.”

“Is she okay?” Quentin blurts out.

“Please, have a seat.”

A tremor goes through him. Kady crosses her arms when she sits, ready to fight.

“Julia came to us yesterday in serious condition. She is very emotionally and physically fragile.”

“How did she get here?”

“By ambulance.”

“How did they find her?”

“I’m not sure. I only know what happened once she came here.”

“Okay. Sorry, continue.”

“We called you because someone recognized Julia from the police report of her being missing. I understand her immediate family is deceased?”

Quentin nods.

“Are you two family?”

“Second cousin.”

“Girlfriend.”

They both lie.

“Alright. Julia’s blood pressure is very low and she appears to be malnourished. She has some broken bones that we’ll need to reset surgically and has some heart rhythm abnormalities we need to keep a close eye on. She also has a lot of scars and bruises. But I’m most concerned about her psychological state. I’d like for you to see her, but you need to know that her psyche is very delicate right now.”

“What does that mean?” Kady asks.

“She hasn’t spoken to anyone since she was found, but it’s clear she’s scared and in pain.”

“When can we see her?” Quentin asks.

“The next time she wakes up, we’ll ask her if she’d like to see either of you.”

 

They wait for hours in the small room. There’s shitty coffee that they drink in large quantities, only raising both of their anxieties. Kady grumbles and Quentin stammers anxiously. They both know that it’s how each other cope. 

 

Finally, a nurse comes in.

“Quentin?”

He looks over.

“Julia would like to see you.”

He hurries along after her.

 

Kady isn’t surprised Julia would want to see him and not her. He’s her best friend. She’s the bitch who abandoned her to get abducted and held captive for years. She broods in self-hatred after Quentin leaves.

 

__________________________________________________________________________

 

Julia wakes up reluctantly. She feels something squeezing her legs and startles before realizing that it’s some sort of medical device. She sighs, looking at the electrodes connected to her chest and the bright red hospital bracelet that says “Fall Risk”. It’s better than where she’s used to waking up. She continues to doze and glance around at her surroundings until a nurse comes in. Her heart rate goes up significantly even at the knock.

“Well, look who’s awake!”

She doesn’t respond. Doesn’t look at the nurse in the face.

“How’re you feeling?”

She shuts her eyes.

“Julia, you have some people here to see you.”

She opens them again and stares at the wall.

“Your cousin Quentin and your girlfriend.”

_ Girlfriend? _

“I think maybe it’d be easier if you saw them one at a time. What do you think?”

She nods.

“Okay. Who should I send in first?”

“Q.” She murmurs softly.

“Alright. I’ll go get him.”

She waits for a while, knowing she should feel something. Excitement? Nerves? But she doesn’t feel anything. And then Quentin enters the room.

“Jules.” He breathes out.

A sob catches in her throat. She’s not sure where it came from. She glances up hesitantly, slowly, almost afraid if she looks up it’ll all have just been a dream. But there he is. And she sobs.

“Oh, Julia. Oh god.”

She reaches out her bony, scarred arms toward him.

“What... can I come hug you?” He asks in his halting, awkward way.

She nods fervently and he comes over and sits on the bed gingerly. She practically leaps into his arms. It hurts. Her arms strain and her breath hitches at the way her hip feels, and she feels dizzy and out of breath, but for the first time in a long time, she feels comfortable and safe. After a while, he speaks.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry we couldn’t find you. I swear, we never stopped looking.”

She hugs him tighter. A loud wailing comes from one of the machines, but she barely notices. The nurse bustles in.

“Julia, we need to lay you back down.”

Quentin helps her back down, but she’s not ready. She has tears cooling on her neck and chin and ears, and she’s settling down from her crying in that gasping, quivering sort of way.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Quentin says. He holds her hand and she squeezes his. “Jules, what can I do?”

She shakes her head, shutting her eyes. A wave of exhaustion hits her and she struggles to open them again.

“You should rest. Do you want to see Kady later?”

She nods, turning her head to the side and shutting her eyes. Somewhat unwillingly, Quentin lets go of her hand and leaves the room.


	3. Chapter 3

When Quentin comes back, Kady immediately notices how green he looks.

“How is she?”

“Fuck.” He sits down and puts his head in his hands.

“What?”

“She’s so skinny and sick. She had these scars all over her neck. I don’t know what they were from.”

“I can take a few fucking guesses.”

“She didn’t talk at all. Just cried.”

“Do you know if she wants to see me?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t ask. Her blood pressure dropped and she had to lay down, and then she fell asleep.”

Kady nods.

 

Time passes slowly in the hospital. Quentin gets them food from the cafeteria and they watch nothing good on tv till almost 8, when a nurse comes in.

“Kady?”

“Yeah?”

“Julia would like to see you now.”

 

She’s propped up in bed, an IV with multiple things going into it in one arm and electrodes and wires sprouting out of her hospital gown. Her complexion is gray.

“Hey.” Kady says, mustering all her strength to keep from crying.

Julia reaches a hand out to her and Kady comes over quickly and grabs it. It’s rough and grips weakly.

“God, Julia. I’m so sorry.”

Julia squeezes her hand. Julia looks up and sees the pocked marks on Julia’s neck, extending down to be hidden by her hospital gown. She’s pretty sure they’re cigarette burns. Kady feels nausea welling up in her body.

“It’s all my fault. I let this happen.”

“No.” The voice is small, but the word is firm.

“I can never make it up to you for letting y-you be abducted and--and I don’t even know what you’ve been through. But I promise you I am going to be here every step of the way from now on.”

Julia nods. She’s struggling to keep her eyes open.

“Is there anything I can do right now?”

Her eyes open and stare into Kady’s intently.

“We need to kill Reynard.”

Kady is taken aback. “Jules, you’re really hurt. I think we need to focus on--”

“No.” Julia cuts her off. “He’s out there. He’s raping women and killing innocent people. He could come after me again. We need to stop him.”

“Okay. I’ll get working. The police don’t seem to know a lot about what happened.”

“Course they don’t. We’re working with a god here.” 

“Alright, Jules I will help you find him on one condition.”

“What?”

“You take care of yourself. Listen to the doctors, rest when you feel tired, and if you feel like shit, you tell someone.”

Julia closes her eyes for a second, then nods.

“Right now, you look pretty tired.”

She nods

“I’ll let you rest.” Kady lets go of her hand and makes it a few steps before Julia interrupts her.

“Kady?

“Yeah?”

“I don’t wanna be alone.”

“Oh. Okay, I’ll stay.”

Julia nods, reassured. She watches Kady get settled in a chair next to her bed.

“Kady?”

“Yeah?”

“How long-- I mean… what’s the date today?”

She checks her phone. “February 10th.”

“What... year?”

“2019.”

She exhales shakily, tears filling her eyes. Her body jolts with silent sobs. Kady watches her, trying to figure out what to do.

“I’m so sorry.”

Julia starts hyperventilating.

“Jules, breathe.”

She grimaces, struggling for air.

“Hey, hey. You’re okay. You’re safe now.”

It takes a long time before Julia finally calms down. Longer until she finally drifts to sleep.

  
  


Kady waits until she’s sure Julia is asleep before putting her head in her hands, raking through her thick curls. She feels sick. Every mark on Julia, the skinniness, the gray complexion, the desperation in her voice when she said she didn’t want to be alone, the panic at finding out exactly how long she’d been captive; that’s all on Kady. For not protecting her. Not being  _ enough  _ to get help and protect Julia and rescue her.

  
  


Kady wakes up to a loud voice coming from the bed remote.

“Hi Julia, how can I help you?

“I need the bathroom.”

“Okay. I’ll be over soon.”

The nurse wheels a wheelchair into the room, then transfers Julia into it. Kady watches Julia wince when she’s moved. When she comes back, she looks upset. She shudders as the nurse gets her back in bed.

“Need anything else?”

She shakes her head, and the nurse leaves.

“Julia, are you okay?”

“I haven’t peed by myself in… years, I guess.”

“Oh.”

“At first he said he didn’t trust me. Then he fucked up my leg. I can’t walk. Did the doctor tell you that?”

“No.”

“I haven’t been able to for a long time. I’m in constant pain. I know we can’t use magic to fix injuries, but can you do a pain spell, please? He broke my fingers so I couldn’t do magic. Even though he could just keep me from doing it with his god power. I think he did it just to show how much power he had over me. We should put up some wards too, but I'm guessing you and Quentin already did that.”

“Jules…”

“I don’t want your pity. I just want the pain spell.”

“I’m so sorry. I can’t. Jules, magic is gone. It’s been gone for over a year.”

“What?”

“The gods turned it off after Quentin killed Ember.”

Her lip quivers and she hides her face in her hands.

“We’re trying to get it back.”

“Who’s Ember?”

“A god. In Fillory.”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah. Fillory’s real.”

“Fillory’s…”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know how to process all this.”

“I know. Hey, let’s get the doctor to give you some painkillers. It’s not as good as a pain spell, but it’s something.”

She nods.

Kady goes to the nurse’s station.

“Hey, excuse me.” She says.

“Yeah?”

“Julia needs pain meds.”

“Who?”

“Julia Wicker. Room 318.”

“I’ll talk with her doctor about it.”

“She needs it soon. She’s in pain.”

  
  


Kady sits with Julia while the pain medicine is ordered and administered. She can tell when it starts to kick in because some of the tension goes out of her face. She’s finally able to go back to sleep, and Kady soon follows.

 

She jolts awake to a piercing scream. Julia is curled in the fetal position, hands cupped over her ears. Kady gets up quickly and goes to her side.

“Julia, it’s okay.”

She screams again.

“Julia.” Kady gently shakes her shoulder.

She startles, then begins looking around frantically, breath racking up.

“You’re okay. You’re safe.”

Julia bursts into tears and reaches up to clutch at Kady shakily, breath coming in and out too fast.

“Okay. You’re okay.” She hugs Julia as tightly as she dares, feeling sick at how she can feel the patient’s ribs. She rubs her back for a long time, but Julia’s crying doesn’t lighten.

“Hey Jules? I’m going to get a nurse in here.” Kady picks up the bed remote and presses the nurse button.

“Yes?”

“Hey, Julia’s having a hard time. She can’t calm down.”

“Okay.”

The nurse comes in.

“Julia, can you try to take a deep breath for me?”

Her breaths are shallow and she clutches at Kady’s neck tighter.

“I’m going to give you a sedative. It’ll help you calm down.”

“No... “

The nurse puts on hand sanitizer, then gloves before preparing a syringe and pushing it into Julia’s IV line. It takes a few minutes for the sedative to take effect. Her breaths begin to slow.

“You’re okay, Julia.” Kady murmurs. “I’ll stay right here.”

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

Julia wakes up with someone holding her arm. She flinches before realizing it’s a nurse checking her blood pressure.

“Hi Julia. Sorry to wake you. You scared us.”

She looks at her questioningly, reaching up to find an oxygen cannula in her nose.

“The sedative did quite a number on you. Your blood pressure, oxygen, and heart rate got dangerously low. We had to give you meds and oxygen to stabilize you.”

Julia’s just starting to realize how shitty she feels when she notices Kady come in the room, eyeliner a little too smudged, hair a wild mess.

“Your girlfriend was pretty worried about you.”

Julia gives a half smile and Kady grimaces.

“Your blood pressure and pulse are still pretty low. How about we get you something to eat?”

She nods. It takes a while, but finally, the nurse brings in a small meal. Julia practically inhales it, hand shaking as she brings the fork to her mouth.

“Jules, you okay?”

“Yeah, just tired.”

“You didn’t get very much food. Want me to ask for more?”

“They won’t let me.”

“What?” Kady looks ready to punch someone.

“I could get really sick if I eat too much too soon. I haven’t eaten enough in a long time, and my body can’t support taking in too much at once.”

“Oh.”

Julia yawns.

“Why don’t you take a nap?”

“I woke up like a half hour ago.”

“Yeah, but your body freaking out probably took a lot out of you.”

Julia sighs.

“I’ll stay here. I mean, if you want.”

She nods.

“Okay.”

  
  
  


She wakes up a few hours later and finds Kady typing away on a laptop. Julia makes a little noise and she looks up?

“Hey. I’m just working on Reynard stuff.”

“Where’s Quentin?”

“In the  _ family room.  _ That’s what they call it. It’s a dumbass name. But it’s kind of nice. They have crappy coffee and TVs and couches long enough to sleep on. The nurses weren’t sure if you wanted both of us in here at the same time.”

“I do.”

“Okay. I’ll text him.”

 

Soon enough Quentin is making his walking-on-eggshells-way into the room. 

“Hey, Jules.”

“Hey.”

“How are you?”

She shuts her eyes and smirks.

“Right. Sorry.”

“It’s fine. We need your help to figure out how to kill Reynard.”

“I--what?”

“I need him dead.”

“Yeah but--”

“No, I need him dead. I need you to help me find him and kill him.”

“Jules, we don’t have magic. We’re kinda powerless.”

“No. I was powerless every day that Reynard held me captive and starved me and tortured me and raped me. But I am at least temporarily out of his grasp. And I am not powerless right now. And I’m going to do every fucking thing I can to ensure I am never powerless again.”

Quentin nods and rubs at his face.

“So if we need magic to kill him, we’ll get it back.”

Quentin continues to nod.

“Q, I know you want to be here for me. And I appreciate that. But I want you out there figuring out how to get magic back. You can visit me. But that’s how you can help me.”

“Okay.”

“Okay. Now give me a hug.”

He rushes over to her and carefully wraps his arms around her.

“I’m so glad you’re back.”

Julia gives a watery smile.

  
  
  


Later in the morning, after Quentin has left, a doctor comes in to see Julia.

“Hi Julia, I’m Cynthia Foster. I’m an OB-GYN.”

“Hi.”

“Your doctor wanted me to do an exam.”

“Oh.” Kady can see the way Julia shuts down immediately.

“Were you not expecting this?”

“No, um, she mentioned something yesterday. I was sort of checked out.”

“Okay. I don’t know the whole story, but I understand you came out of a traumatic situation.”

She nods.

“I want to work with you to make sure you’re comfortable during the exam. I unfortunately can’t give you any sedation because of what happened the last time you were on it. But I want to do everything I can to help you stay at ease.”

“Okay.”

“And you are?” She looks toward Kady.

“Kady. I’m her girlfriend.”

“Okay. Julia, would you like Kady to stay or go? I’m sure she won’t mind either way.”

Kady nods.

“Stay.” Julia says. Kady sees her heart rate climbing a bit on the monitor.

“Okay. I understand you have a leg injury.”

“Yeah, the doctors scheduled me for surgery.”

“I usually put people’s legs in stirrups for an exam. Will that cause you pain?”

“Yeah, but it’s fine. It won’t injure me more.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright. During the exam would you like me to tell you what I’m doing?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Do you have any concerns that you’d like me to pay attention to?”

“Yeah. I have pain. With my periods and when he would-- during sex. Not like I’m really planning to… do that again soon, but still. Maybe take a look.”

“Of course.”

The doctor asks her more about her symptoms. They discover she hasn’t had her period for some time. When Dr. Foster asks if she’s ever been pregnant, Kady has a pang in her gut.

“Yeah. For a few months. It wasn’t showing when I miscarried. 

“Okay.”

Kady’s fists are clenched.

They finish with the questions, and the doctor leaves to let Julia get ready. She had said Julia should remove her underwear. It’s only when Kady sees Julia push herself down to the stirrups that she realizes no one has given Julia underwear to wear in the hospital. It’s such a basic human comfort, and Kady feels sick again. She decides that the second she can, she’ll go out and get some. She glances uncomfortably at Julia’s skeletal body. She’s got to be an extra-small if that. 

“You feel okay, Jules?”

“I don’t know.”

Kady scoots her chair closer to the bed and helps Julia cover her lap with the sheet. There’s a knock on the door that makes Julia jump and grab Kady’s hand as Dr. Foster walks back in. 

“Alright Julia, you ready?”

She nods.

“Okay. I’m going to gather my materials. We’re going to do a pap smear along with the pelvic exam. Now I’m going to wash my hands and put on some gloves.”

The mundanity of the detailed description calms Julia until the exam actually begins. When the doctor's hands touch her, she flinches even though Dr. Foster had warned her. Kady holds her hand tightly. She wants to push the offender away; she finally can, after so long being held down by magic she's nearly forgotten what it's like to be allowed to resist. Her breaths come in and out quicker and quicker and her eyes dart around the room looking for safe holds and weapons. 

“Try to relax, Julia. Take some deep breaths.”

She breathes in and out, but the sound of  _ his _ breathing somehow makes it into her head too. Kady’s hand feels confining rather than comforting, and Dr. Foster’s voice fades away. She's back  _there_ again. Maybe she never left.

  
  


She comes to awareness and immediately curls onto her side to vomit into a conveniently placed emesis basin. Her feet are up on pillows and she’s swathed in blankets. Dr. Foster is nowhere to be found.

“Hey, you’re alright.” Kady says, handing her a tissue to wipe her mouth, then proffering a cup of water.

“What happened?”

“You started hyperventilating and your heart rate spiked and you wouldn’t respond to us. Dr. Foster stopped her exam and your doctor came in and tried to get you talking again. Your heart rate finally went back to normal, so your doctor said we’d just wait it out. I think at some point you fell asleep.”

Julia rubs her forehead.

“What do you need right now?”

She shrugs.

"How do you feel?"

"I don't know. Queasy."

"That makes sense."

"I was... I was there again. In that house. With him."

"I'm so sorry."

Julia shifts with a wince to pull her ankles closer so she can feel them. No cuff.

“I was thinking about going for a supply run later today; grab some stuff from home. Anything you want me to bring or pick up?”

“Um… no, I’m okay.”

“Alright.”

“Kady?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. For being here.”

“Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So because Kady is secretly soft as hell, she's going to bring stuff she thinks might comfort Julia. Please leave a comment with something you think she might bring.


	5. Chapter 5

After making absolutely sure Julia is okay, Kady leaves the hospital for the first time in days. Things are bright, but not florescent-bright. Things are busy, but there isn’t the constant threat of medical disaster. She takes a deep breath of the chilly air and shuts her eyes. There’s burrowing sound trying to make its way up from her gut, but she holds it in and walks toward the bus stop.

 

Her apartment is dark and bare and quiet. She showers quickly, though she feels the pull to stare at the water falling in rivulets down her shoulders and think about all that’s happened. She gathers things quickly, wanting to take a break, but feeling guilty for leaving Julia. Several things are stuffed into a duffel bag, and then she catches the bus again for the store. She gets snacks, a pack of underwear for Julia, and a few other things she thinks might be comforting or remind Julia of something other than her trauma.

 

When she comes back, a man is in the room with Julia, having her move her fingers. Julia is flushed and worrying her lip with her teeth.

“Hey, Jules.”

Julia pulls in a gaspy breath. “Hey.”

“Whatcha doin?”

“Ph-physical therapy.”

“Alright, try and bend those fingers all the way.” The physical therapist says.

Julia closes her eyes to concentrate, her face clenching tighter and tighter.

“Julia, is this too much for you?” Kady asks, glowering at the physical therapist.

“I’m fine,” she grits out.

“Really? Because it looks like you’re in pain.”

“I’m FINE!” She yells, sweeping the pitcher and cups off the over-bed table.

“Jules--”

“STOP!”

 

At that moment a number of things happen. The physical therapist bends over to pick up the pitcher, which has spilled. Julia stretches out her mangled fingers and sparks fly out of them in rainbow colors. Kady stares in amazement and Julia opens her eyes wide.

 

“Okay, maybe we need a break,” the physical therapist says, getting up. 

Julia is trying to catch her breath, staring at her fingers. Kady is subtly trying spells with her hands at her sides.

“Yeah, um. Sorry.” Julia murmurs, eyes wild and breath too fast.

He must not have seen it.

“No problem. We’ll call it a day and I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

She nods, dazed, and he leaves. Kady immediately begins trying a spell. Something simple, something she knows she can do even though it’s been so long. Nothing happens. She tries another, still nothing.

“What’s happening? I can’t do magic. How did you do it?”

“I--I don’t know. It just came out of me. I can’t even--” She tries to manipulate her fingers into one of the positions required for a spell, and winces before putting her hands down, still breathing heavily.

“I’m calling Quentin.” Kady pulls out her phone and taps on his name. 

“Q, how’s it going?” She listens. “Oh. So no breakthroughs? Okay. Keep us posted. Yeah, she’s okay. Yeah. I mean, about as well as you would expect. Yes, I’ll let you know.” She hangs up. “He didn’t know anything. I don’t think magic’s back. So how...”

“I don’t know.”

“Um, I brought some stuff back for you,” Kady says, putting the large bag on Julia’s lap.

“Oh.”

She digs in the bag, slowly, tentatively. Julia pulls out a soft blanket that she immediately hugs to her chest and rubs her cheek on. It’s soft. It’s been a long time since she felt something soft. Her body relaxes slightly when she leans into it. She looks in again and finds a bottle of perfume. It’s the scent she used to wear. She opens the bottle and sprays it on her wrist, breathing in and shutting her eyes briefly. It’s a familiar, comforting smell that makes her feel more like herself than she has in a long time. There are also some snacks, which Julia is pretty sure her dietician won’t let her have until they’re sure she won’t go into refeeding syndrome. Underneath those are the pack of underwear and some toiletries.

“Thank you,” Julia says, voice thick with emotion.

“Of course.”

Julia gets a nurse to bring her to the bathroom and gets a pair of underwear on with a little help. Once she’s back in bed, she pulls out a hairbrush from the bag and starts to untangle a small section of her hair.

“Hey, you should save your energy. Can I do that for you?”

Julia nods and hands her the hairbrush. Kady works through her hair carefully and Julia shuts her eyes, eventually falling asleep.

  
  


She wakes up less than an hour later, screaming.

Kady catapults over to the bed and hugs her tightly, rubbing her back. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s alright, baby. You’re okay.” Julia’s body shakes beneath her and her breaths are ragged.

“Jules, you’re alright.”

Julia shakes her head. “No.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, no it’s not!” Julia half-screams. There are tears dripping down her cheeks.

“Okay, hey, talk to me,” Kady says, pulling away so she can look her in the eyes.

“He’s everywhere. He’s on me. I need to get him off me.”

“Okay.”

“Now!”

“What do you need?”

“A shower.”

“Oh, Jules. I don’t know if that’s gonna happen.”

“I NEED it.” She raises her voice.

“Okay, alright. Let’s talk to your nurse.”

Kady presses the button. “Hey, could you come in here?”

The nurse is there in a few minutes.

“Hi, what’s going on?”

“I need a shower.”

“You have an IV in. And with your blood pressure the way it is, it’s not a good idea.”

“Please,” she says desperately. 

“I can ask your doctor, but my guess is the best you’re going to get is a sponge bath and hair wash.”

“That’s fine. Please, I just need to get him off me.”

The nurse’s expression becomes solemn. “Okay. I will talk to your doctor and let you know as soon as I can.”

Julia nods, shutting her eyes as little sobs ripple through her.

 

The nurse comes back after 20 minutes or so. 

“Julia, your doctor said we can do a sponge bath and wash your hair.”

“Okay.”

“Some nursing assistants should come in before too long.”

Julia nods and the nurse leaves.

“Do you want me to go while you get your bath?” Kady asks.

“No, please. I don’t know how I’ll react. If I freak out, I need you here. If that’s okay.”

“Of course.”

 

The nursing assistants come in, get their supplies ready, and have Julia roll onto her side so they can slip towels under her to keep the bed dry. They help her get undressed and keep her covered with sheets everywhere but where they’re washing to preserve some amount of privacy. Things go fairly smoothly as they wash her face, arms, torso, and legs. When they have her roll to her side to wash her back, one of the nursing assistants gasps. Kady looks up to see words scrawled into Julia’s back. They say “This whore belongs to Reynard” in red, raised scars, along with many, many other marks. Kady’s fists clench.

“I’m sorry,” the nursing assistant says.

“It’s fine.” Julia murmurs. Kady moves around the bed to face her, and Julia’s eyes are shut tightly.

 

When they wash between her legs, Julia clutches Kady’s hand as tight as she can with her weak fingers and tears form in her eyes.

“It’s alright. It’s almost over.” Kady says.

“I’m gonna throw up.” She grits out. Before they can get a bucket in front of her, she vomits. They stop the bath and make sure she’s okay; get her water and clean up the mess.

“I wanna finish,” Julia says.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

They finish quickly, washing her buttocks, the back of her legs and her feet, and then they help her into fresh underwear and a gown. The hair washing is far less traumatic. Juia even shuts her eyes and relaxes for a bit of it.

When it’s all over, Julia is exhausted.

“I can’t fucking wait till I can shower on my own again.”

“I’m sure. Do you feel any better?”

“A little.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you enjoyed the story and want more! Also, I'm open to suggestions!


End file.
